I always maintain that I am a work-in-progress. There is always something new to learn and figure out, and I like to feel that I can be open to other ideas. Just recently I have realized the importance of "never say never," unless you've actually had an experience. I gave Apple a chance, after long swearing that I would never become an "iSucker". I bought a Nano (on sale, of course), and although I miss my reliable Sansa Fuze, the Nano has proved to be decent replacement. I experienced the product, yet you won't see me running out to get the next generation the moment it becomes available. I have learned that I can try something new and it won't change me to my core. This little preamble is leading into my current learning path: What I can accurately portray on social media.
I will make no secret of it. I need to improve my self-esteem. Long ago, (and a few jobs back) I was emptying trash at a government office. They were moving some of the employees around, and in the process many of them were cleaning up their work areas. The volume of trash that week was astounding. Near the end of the week one of the cubicles had a metal garbage can full of papers, old office supplies, and some BOOKS! I cannot stand to throw books away. There were two at the top that caught my eye, one of them being a book on improving self-esteem. These I rescued from the fate of the Dumpster out back. They came home with me, but alas, were stowed on the shelf, and oops, forgotten amid the noise and shuffle of life.
I like to think that things happen for a reason, and during a recent rummage through a bunch of papers and etc in my filing cabinet, I came across the book on self-esteem. This prompted my status on Facebook to read, Sometimes another man's junk becomes my treasure, obviously referencing the fact that someone (man or woman) had no use for the book (junk) but I found it useful, so it had become my treasure! No comments were forthcoming on this, which is fine, I don't need comments to validate my status, but the other half was giving me snarky looks, and asked about the status, in a somewhat condescending tone. I said, "Yes the status refers to that book I rescued a long time ago." Oh shit, then it dawned on me what he thought I had written. I immediately felt so embarrassed about this, even though it was not what I meant, but that others would construe it that way. My way of dealing with it? I deleted the status, and thought of something else.
This occurrence made me think that maybe I should second-guess what I post, in case I offend someone, but true to the spirit of self-esteem, I have to own my feelings and not immediately be embarrassed by them. I wasn't hurting anyone. All I think I was guilty of was creative wording, I can't spend all day looking from every angle to make sure everything looks tip-top and neutral. At one point I was entertaining the thought of having an alias Facebook account to say the saucier or controversial things I sometimes want to say, but then I second-guess in order to not rock the boat. I am hoping by reading my treasure book, it will give me more insight into myself, and by realizing my feelings and thoughts are valid I will just say what I think and let people, GASP! be offended sometimes!
I have only one life, and as it goes on, I know I was not put here to be a doormat for others. I want to have the power to be me and get on with it.
I'm not looking to be a radical and say everything on my mind to cause a stir. I just want a good foundation of self-esteem to be able to rock the boat now and then without falling overboard and drowning
So yeah, oops I may blunder here and there on social media, but I know my intent, so anyone offended in the future can just deal with it. It's MY status, obviously I took the time to post it, so yes, I stand by it. I hope to never feel the need to delete a status again, but keeping in mind I am a work-in-progress, we'll see!
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