I start by admitting I am guilty of being insecure on many levels. I could rehash the many reasons/excuses for why I think I am the way I am, but it would be just that--rehashing. I cannot learn any more from what has been the path I have come down. I can only now focus on the present, and hopefully the future. The cool little saying about comparing ourselves to one another by way of our private behind the scene moments, where we are our own harsh judge and critic, to the outwardly good deeds and actions of others we admire. Surely these individuals don't have the same problems, flaws, or nagging thoughts we have! While in some ways it's nice to think that we are focusing on the good or strengths of others we admire, it also makes sense to step back to consider, in life we all have our own inherent positives. It's the things we do easily, without really thinking about doing them. It's the things that take more effort, or that we feel we are falling short in, that we tend to notice and criticize internally.
I can think of a good example off the top of my head: I go out driving. I wasn't that great at it in the beginning, but now years later, much of it is second nature. I can safely get where I want to go while obeying the rules of the road. All is good! I make one little judgement mistake backing up (no harm done, for the record!) yet I will internally beat myself up for being "stupid," while maybe instead, I should be thinking of myself as human. Mistakes get made, learn from it, and move one . If I get too entrenched on the self-judgement path, I will substantially lower my opinion of my driving from "thumbs up", to "oh, my god, who would want to share the road with a driver like me?" I see everyone around me doing just as I am, but fresh off my mistake, I view them as "they must be better than me." If I stop to consider that we all have bad days and mishaps, who really knows? Maybe Joe there in front of me is guilty of yapping on his cell as he drives to the store to pick up whatever for dinner. Who knows, maybe the driver in the behemouth in the next lane is reaching for something on the seat instead of paying attention?
Comparing my behind the scenes footage fit for the cutting room floor, to any one else's highlight reel is useless when you really get into it. This is the base for insecurities to grow, and hell, I am guilty of letting those little bugger weed thoughts bloom, when I should be spending more time quashing them into the dirt to be compost for my new batch of more affirmative thoughts.
I'm not saying it's a competition to have the best highlight reel either. That's the fun of being human. We all have a different idea of what makes it to our highlights! Writing something as well as I witnessed it in a dream may be mine, while scoring a goal in hockey might be the neighbour kid's ideal. Making a butt tonne of money may be the businessman's dream, while a friend might just be pleased as punch if her garden exceeds her expectations.
I guess it all boils down to admiring other's accomplishments while not taking away from your own. It also means not letting mistakes and setbacks define you. This is what I am working on. If no harm comes from a mistake, take the lesson from it--then move the hell on instead of dredging it up over and over again to punish yourself time and time again.
I am in a race with no one. Others may share parts of my journey along the way, but when it looks like they pull ahead, I will remember they too are on their own journey, with their own highlight reel, and their own share of cutting room floor material!
