I will start by saying I am grateful I have the opportunity to work all the hours I have in the past while, but I am also going to be honest and state that sometimes working more than intended cramps my life. I had all kinds of plans for things I was going to get done, but the truth is, in the line of work I do, I am exhausted at the end of a work day. All day I think about how much I will get done when I get home, and POW, end of day comes and I feel that all I could accomplish is to act like a mop and let someone wash the floor with me. Working the night shifts is a different kettle of fish, but same outcome. Too late to start messing around at 11:00, or whenever I finally manage to drag my butt back through the door. I look at the huge pile of books I STILL haven't read, (although that pile will be welcome when winter hits!)
This evening, on a day off, between working a bunch of days, I dozed off after goofing around with various phone apps. The strange thing was, I had a dream. No, I didn't reinvent the wheel, rather it was the steering wheel. I dreamed I was driving during the night on a winding road, but I had a steering wheel, that wasn't really a steering wheel. In the mid position it was made in three parts, the idea being that it was easy to grip/hold comfortably. I remember at one point manipulating the wheel counter-clockwise and the three parts locked together to make a large knob that one could rest their hands upon, yet still use with ease for cornering. Taking this steering apparatus back through a clock-wise motion twice opened it up completely, almost like a flower head. It seemed that this position allowed the most sensitive handling. My sensation during the dream was that this was natural and that I was used to this, as I remember being able to completely concentrate on the road ahead of me, which was unfamiliar, yet I had no feeling that it was unpleasant journey or destination--just unknown.
So, even trying to take a little rest from the everyday, has me pondering. What did it mean? I wish I could have had a still or video from this dream, as it would have been intriguing to see what kind of contraption my mind cooked up. Something integral to how I am steering is not usual. Maybe my mind is telling me that I need to come up with a new, yet natural way to take control so I can drive (life) through the unknown (the dark, and winding road).
I wonder if the timing has something to do with a milestone coming up in the future. It seems I take stock of where I am at the end of decade of living. I know age is just us counting our lives in laps around the Sun, but society has a way of poking at us at certain milestones.
I'm not complaining, all my original parts are still working tickety-boo! I don't feel old, just a little weary with all the BS that accompanies life! As I have mentioned multiple times in other posts, I am just looking for other directions to branch out into in some aspects of my life. I was gung-ho about a volunteer opportunity, but had to put it on the back burner for the summer. I can see a time when the kidlets will be old enough to allow me more time to do things that are important to/and for ME!
I sometimes wonder if the dreams I have are a reminder to keep the creativity and thought processes flowing, as it is all to easy to let the everyday drudgery of life make you stagnant. Pay this, be on time for that. Obey this, Join the herd and do that.
Maybe the next doze I take will give me some ideas about things to write about. I still have an imagination, even if I am not a kid anymore, and I certainly should not be afraid to use it. The more laps around the Sun I complete, the less concerned I find myself feeling what others will think. I can write for a public audience, and I can write for myself. Sometimes seeing my own deep buried thoughts out in print makes them more real or valid. I tell myself short stories in my head for entertainment, so why not write them down? I can't expect my bean to recall all the details that go into my personal storytelling.
This post is leaving me feeling pumped to write out a short story I have been telling myself--who knows maybe it has potential to grow from there!
