I could probably sit here all night thinking up excuses for why I have been so inactive on the writing scene lately. Oops, I see my last entry was in February, and um, it's now into the second half of May. Like a lot of folks I can blame Life. Not the Life I want to live right now, but the one I am just bumping along in. The daily grind. Drag arse out of bed, try to fuel with some type of hot beverage, maybe sneak in a little peek at any Facebook dramas that have developed overnight, then off to wake up three young people who apparently want to drag their arses out of bed even less than I do. Repeat the warnings of consequences of not getting out of bed, and now a recent morning addition, make sure eldest kiddo downs his daily Concerta tablet. Make sure kiddos are doing what I asked. More often than not, I have to pull clothing out for everyone and chuck it in the general vicinity of each. Thankfully, I no longer have to dress any of them. Didn't mind at the time, but grateful I no longer have too! Remind the pokey plodders that I too have somewhere to be at a certain time, and that they are not welcome to hold me up if they wish to have motorized transport to school.
First victory of the day, out of the house, kiddos dropped of and on the way to work. Hope beyond hope that everyone scheduled to be in, actually makes it in, or there's an immediate dent in the process. Here's where I get weird. I have been doing my job long enough that I can do most of it on auto-pilot, freeing my mind to think off on its own tangents. For the past few months however, I have been feeling a strange vibe that I suddenly need to prove myself again. Hours used to be given out based on seniority and worker's availability. I used to get my hours and go about my business of getting it done. Lately though, it seems to be less about who's been loyal and reliable, and more about who gives the best sob story to upper management. I was a little pissed to see an employee who was with us less than a month get more hours than me two weeks in a row. I fumed and wasted brain power wondering how I could broach this without looking like an entitled bitch. I also thought about how this travesty did nothing to build rapport, as all I could find myself doing was resenting this new "intruder". I felt somewhat entitled to think this way, as we had all been assured at a staff meeting that new hires were not getting priority for offered hours. I almost felt as it I was being punished for asking for a legitimate day off for an appointment with a specialist in Terrace, which for those who aren't familiar with my local geography, is a 200 km, 2-hour drive in good conditions. No way was I going to do the drive there and back and then come in for the latter part of the shift.
Enough whining about that! Back to the need to prove myself. I now find myself trying to meet ridiculous goals to prove just how good I think I am. I am starting to realize that I should not be knocking myself out to the point of daily exhaustion and aches for a company that doesn't really seem to give a shit. (Not pardoning my French!)
Here is where my current pondering is taking me. Yes, I generally like my job, mostly for the people and the variety. I have some awesome co-workers, past and present. I now need to decide if that is really enough, or if I need to make a big SCARY, out of my velvet rut change, and do something else. I need to consider the toll on my joints, as I am noticing they are stiff at the end of the day, and often still so by the end of the weekend. Hell, I don't FEEL old, but my joints are reminding me that unfortunately, like it or not, they are aging, and can't take all the crazy abuse they once did. Not out to pasture yet, but I guess I am entering middle age--yikes!
Anyway those are my excuses, excuses for not buckling down to putting something down. Some of my other awesome excuses are: Boxes of books to read, other people's demand of my time, awesome weather, everyday errands--the list goes on. The important thing is I made it a priority to get something out of my head, which will maybe get the creative juices stirring again!
