The great thing about being an avid reader is the number of passages, quotes, and snippets of useful advice I see, and try to soak up in the course of the day. I could probably compile a book size collection of all the profound and quotable material I have mined in my reading career. One that has stuck with me however was on a social media ad for A&E's Intervention, which I will admit was a guilty pleasure of mine for a time. Somehow my problems in life seemed petty and insignificant after seeing what some of these tortured souls were sharing on the boob tube. To get back to the quote, it went like this: "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reel." Hot damn! This is what I HAVE been doing probably my whole life! There it was, in black and white, neatly summed up. The more I think on this subject, the more I think it is because of the fact that as previously mentioned, we have the three facets of ourselves. The one we dress up, put a smile on, and go out into the world to interact with. Next is the you that only your family and people you let get close to you, the ones that are like family. They see and know more about you than the world at large. Then there is the private you, the you, well, you have to live with 24/7, 365 days a year, for YEARS. Hope you like YOU, as there is no escape!
To delve into the significance of the quote for MYSELF, through whatever building blocks made me ME, I have always been way too self-conscious. Call it e vanity or what have you, but to me it was a continuous barrage of what can I do to NOT stick out or shine? Draw attention to myself? NO WAY IN HELL!
I have come to realize it has been about self-esteem. The private me always thought everyone else around me must be better or more deserving. It has only been in middle adulthood that I have now slammed the brakes on this line of thinking. I can only move forward from here. It won't do me any good to sit and mull over how things could have been different if I had stopped the runaway wagon years ago.
The private me can be a bitch sometimes, but I like to think the better parts of me prevail and kick ass. I mentioned an entry or two back about the realization that I am more honest than I even believed. I am starting to see that yes, like every other awesome person on the planet, I too have rocking attributes!
I am also seeing how there are multiple layers to any situation. I may be steadfast in my belief I am 100% in my convictions, but I am only experiencing one perspective, that while it may be rig ht, I may in fact be no more right than someone seeing the situation from their own unique perspective.
Being human is unique in that we have interactions and relationships with other fellow humans around us, yet we can never completely agree or understand each other, even if we are all fundamentally the same. Our circles are complex, linked in some ways, and cut off or broken in others.
An example, I may consider People A-D my friends, yet Person B can't stand Person C, yet I have a link to both. Person D may act like a neutral glue, the mediator of the circle, Person E may be C's best bud, but have nothing to do with anyone else in that particular circle. We all have friends who have their own friends who have nothing to do with us.
A past me would have questioned the sanity of anyone who wanted anything to do with ME. I failed to see what I could add to the equation. At the same time I was/am grateful to the wonderful souls out there who were willing to look or dig a little deeper to see into the mire that was me.
I am not saying I have done a 180 in the self-esteem department, as I like to say--I am a work in progress!
Having said that I believe I have come a long way, but there's still more journey in the crafting of myself. Old habits and thought processes die slowly, or try to block the way, but at least now I am aware of them.The goal now is to try to be less knee-jerk in my judgements of myself and others. We all know how easy it is to judge even when we don't have a great vantage point on the situation.
I end by noting, I am no expert, but I am merely pointing out what I have learned for myself in the experience we call LIFE.
