Of course it is that time of year when we all resolve to make the coming year our best yet. I have made a decision to make more than a resolution. I realize I have been sitting in my own rut for so long that I haven't really made any progress on what I want out of life. I am not looking to make a radical sudden change, as I don't think I can sustain that. About two years ago, I did make a resolution, and that was to try to see more of the positive in life. I was getting to a point where I could see that buying into negativity was bringing me down. I do know that the emotions and flow of energy around me has a power, for either good or bad. I have had enough of the bad. I don't like how I feel after being around people who have absolutely nothing good to say about anything, so I am making a choice to not be a part of that. I'm not talking about random complaining or critisism that may actually make things better. No one can be up all the time, me included! I am talking about people who seem to have a perpetual dark cloud following them, and everything bad seems to happen to them. I remember feeling somewhat surprised when I did a reading based on birth signs and according to it, I have been living through a period of what is considered to be bad luck. Reading further, it claimed that my luck and prosperity would vastly change around 2015, and it looked to stay that way into the foreseeable future. I know this reading was just entertainment, but it got me thinking about luck. Until that point I didn't consider myself to be an unlucky person. I suppose it must all be in the perception. I know nothing except my own experiences, and in my own summation I thought I was reasonably lucky, or maybe I am just seeing the positive where I can. (It will be interesting to see if anything happens in 2015 to support any of this birth sign reading). At any rate, I am not going to mump about 2014 thinking I'm unlucky!
After much reading on the topic of self-esteem, I realized this is an area of my life I could use improving in. For as long as I can remember, I always thought people were better than me, and therefore I pretty much gave up my right to speak up, to be treated fairly, or to take a stand. Despite this, I always managed to have at least one or two people who were good, true friends. These people are still important to me, and made me feel lucky, even if the stars say I am not!
I feel that everything that happens in life can teach a lesson, provide insight, or just add the spice of experience to the pot.
I look back over some of the posts I have done, and realize exploring them is part of the tapestry of life. My post on regret made me realize that we don't have all the time in the world to figure things out, so we really should grab opportunities when they present themselves, or an avenue I need to explore, making my own opportunities.
I am realizing as I grow older (yikes!) no one has the right to make me feel like crap, I am responsible for my own happiness, which I plan to be! At the same time I am not going out of my way to judge and put others down. I may not agree with or understand others' actions, but sometimes it just isn't necessary. The world is an ever changing place, so why can't I be an ever changing and evolving person? I can still be fundamentally the same person with some new, and improved thrown in for good measure.
Although most of the changes I want to make will come from within, it is time I addressed the outside a bit too. Having kids changed my body somewhat, and I'm sure metabolism, activity level, age, etc. is also playing some part. I remember telling myself that during those years I didn't really give a crap what shape or weight I was. I'm not looking to be one of those super-thin or ripped looking women, but I would like to loose some of the extra mass I have accrued.
I'm writing this post planning to get some things accomplished that I have been holding back on. The kids are getting older, and by September I will have all three of them at school. Sure, I will probably work more, but I am hoping it will also translate into more time for me to do "me" stuff. I am not always going to put myself on the backburner, as I feel that is in part what is compelling me to want change.
In summary, I am hoping for a period of time to learn, explore, create, and have fun. The other big thing I want to continue with is to make sure the wonderful people in my life know how much I love and appreciate them, especially if I don't get the chance to express it as often as I should.
Life can be a bitch, but it can also be compelling, exciting, and intriguing! I want to feel it all!
Awesome, Jen! This is one of only a few New Year's resolutions I've heard that's worthwhile. Ummm, you may not want to read my latest blog post... or any of them really. They're usually pretty negative. But that's just to get the negativity off my chest. Bloggin is therapy. As for the part about losing weight, a friend of mine opened a gym. It's called "Resolutions." For Jan. and Feb. it's full of exercise equipment. The rest of the year it's a bar. Meet you there in March!
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